"I'm Afraid of Being in a Committed Relationship, HELP!"
Don't you love when you stumble upon exactly what you need to hear, the the right moment? The moment when you are open and willing to receive the message? When the student is ready the teacher appears has always been a constant theme in my life. This video shook me to my core in the best way and before I get into that, I want to introduce you to the visionary who created the video, amongst others, Kute Blackson.
I have been a big fan of Kute Blackson, since last fall in 2012, when I, incredibly apprehensively, decided to attend LoveFest, a free, charity, conscious experience that definitely changed my life in a dramatic way. I was at a point in my life where I was pushing myself into being a "Yes, Man," like that amazing Jim Carrey flick, and trying hard to just trust where I was guided and quiet my criticizing, doubtful, fearful mind. I wanted to expand my world.
I enter this massive, nightclub like space in Hollywood, that is just packed with people. Filled with healers, music and vegan food and promises of a great time. I am thinking, what kind of hippie-free-for-all have I gotten myself into? I, thank God, start to make conversations with the people around me. I start to notice how different the energy feels. That I was, in fact, in a pretty special, loving space. Where people weren't trying to be the coolest in the room. Where people were beautifully and powerfully self expressed in their wardrobe, in the way they looked at you and in their connection with others. Then this extraordinary man comes onto the stage to introduce himself, and his vision for his event, LoveFest, and that's when I met Kute Blackson.
I was so struck by his vision, his enthusiasm, his "big-ness" in the best sense, and authentic sincerity. Since that event I have been an avid fan of his tweets, his messages and his video. I "stumbled" across this one and wanted to share with you my thoughts and its impact.
The headline of the video immediately spoke to me, "I'm Afraid of Being in a Committed Relationship, HELP!" Oh my, I thought I need to watch this now. I knew that even though on one hand, I craved a supportive, expansive, exploratory, intimate relationship with a man; on the other hand, the idea of being with someone, truly surrendering, who may undermine my dreams and my self's purpose completely terrified me. I was completely bringing the past into my fear zone and then having to recognize it and release it, over and over again. I knew what I truly needed was a shift in perspective.
So Kute's first few lines really freaked me out, "True Love is a death. What needs to die when you fall in love is the ego, the illusion of separation needs to dissolve." The idea of killing the ego, sure I am on board with that, but the idea of death really freaked me out. As an artist I think, wait, I need a strong sense of self for my art. As if my talent is something to hold onto. Apparently my ego had quite the grasp on me, since only the ego needs to control...
Then the video continues and Kute shares, "When people say oh my god I'm losing myself, the self that you are losing is not really you." That's it. Now I am hooked. That is fascinating and I would LOVE that to be true! I know I am not my mind and my doubts. Now I want to share this video without even watching it, I am so pumped. But I stay and watch it the whole way through, savoring every word.
And then Kute starts talking about sacred partnership or relationship, and it dawns on me, in a kind of tragic, but also inspiring way, that I have never imagined a relationship existing within that context before. Just adding the word sacred to relationship, blew my mind. I am sure I probably heard that at some other point and dismissed it, but at the place I was in, I was really able to get... what if a sacred relationship could exist? Meaning, what if someone could really honor my own dreams the way I know I am willing to honor theirs? What would it feel like, to be in that kind of trust, space and intimacy with someone?
Then Kute says that you lover can actual become a portal to know yourself better. To deepen your connection to yourself and the infinite. I guess the bottom line is you need to embrace whatever resonates with you in a given moment, as this really resonated with me. There are so many books are relationships, with so many tactics and techniques, ways to phrase things, ways to show someone something. Deepening your connection to yourself and your being, surrendering to whoever you become in that moment, seems pretty...well...special.
At the conclusion of the video, Kute teaches us that once we surrender we are free. And once we are free we realize that freedom is love and love is freedom and the more you love, as he says, the freer you become.
I can't say I have my head completely wrapped around everything this video has to offer. But I like the way "freedom is love and love is freedom" feels in my body and I want to digest it. To surrender to the idea that this is could be a truth I wasn't willing, or able to see...until now.
For more information on Kute visit him at: www.kuteblackson.com
by Andrea Dolbec